I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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