i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
