So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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