i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
