I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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