there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
