sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
