You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
