I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
