Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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