he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
