Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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