I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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