I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
