Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
