i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
