So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
