I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
