: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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