Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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