Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
