She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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