shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just pynch a tree in the face
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
