Buhtt sex?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
