VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
