i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
