your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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