my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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