Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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