the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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