YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
