They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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