Where is the hickey?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
