I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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