Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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