I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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