it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
