Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Edward fifth and chaser hands
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
