K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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