I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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