The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
