I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
