: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
