I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
