Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
