I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
