I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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