So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
