You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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