This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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