never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
