Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
