She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
