70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
