He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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