Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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