I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
